“When my youngest daughter entered foster care, she was five years old. We were approaching our first Halloween together when I observed that every time I mentioned the next holiday, she and her nine-year-old sister would stop in horror. When I eventually asked the girls if they had ever celebrated Halloween before moving in with us, I was surprised by their responses. They alternated telling me stories about how they had previously received candy for Halloween, only to have it taken away and consumed in front of them by an adult who forced them to observe. The brown paper wrappers that had held the chocolate peanut butter cups were brought to them, and they were instructed to consume them.
Given this story, I realized I needed to be cautious when we spent our first Halloween with them. My suspicions were confirmed when I noticed the girls, dressed in their stunning costumes, walking from door to door, surreptitiously counting the pieces of candy they were given. When I got home, I instructed the girls to count the candy pieces they placed in the two plastic bags I had provided, along with a black marker.
After they had finished counting, I aided them in labeling their bags with the precise number of sweets inside, as well as tagging their bags after each candy bite. Even after we assured them we wouldn’t eat their candy, the children insisted on recounting the pieces before bed for weeks after Halloween. I would build their trust one lollipops at a time by sitting with them every night and counting their candy.
That was in the fall of 2014. Although they have been adopted and are thriving in our home, their early memories of being forced to eat empty candy wrappers on Halloween resurface each October.
Last night, as I was cleaning up after supper, I noticed my youngest daughter browsing through the cupboard. While I was cleaning our countertops, she approached me with a bag of candy she had collected at a recent Halloween event. She wrapped the bag in paper, making it clear that she was giving it to me as a gift. Her third-grade handwriting said, “Mom, I want to give you my sweets so you can taste how much I love you.”
Give it some time to register.Give it some time to register. This youngster, who had previously been forced to consume empty candy wrappers, chose pieces of her Halloween candy from her bag that she thought I would enjoy and handed them to me.
